I Take Joy

Training my princess

Thursday morning was the first day, I think, in a whole year when I had Joy all to myself with everyone else out of the house for a whole day! (Sarah is in Kentucky with a dear friend of mine, Nathan in California, Joel and Clay at work!) We lit candles and sipped our own hot mug of brew in the quiet of my bedroom where no one could find us.

I then had the most wonderful time of reading to her and then teaching her about Abraham and Isaac. We spent almost an hour and half looking at different scripture about him--God calling him to leave his home to follow Him; the promise of a nation outnumbering the sand on the seashore coming from His line--becoming a Father of a nation; his waiting period for the promised son; the birth of Isaac; the sacrifice of Isaac; the passages in Hebrews of him and Sarah living by faith.

"Indeed, If they had been thinking of that country from which they went out (their home!), they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desired a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:15

We talked and talked about how we are here temporarily and will some day go to a heavenly country. We talked about Abraham giving up his treasure into God's hands, knowing that He could trust God to hold and keep all that was important to Him--and how indeed God provided the lamb stuck in the bushes--he had already planned to provide for Abraham, but gave Abraham the chance to worship by yielding his treasure and showing God his heart of trust. We talked about how great a nation, throughout history, the Jews became--how God multiplies the work of faith and service we do to make it beyond what we can imagine--just like he did for Abraham. We ended on Romans 12:1-2--the need for us to yield ourselves as a living and holy sacrifice to God which is our spiritual service of worship--just like Abraham did and to be willing to go anywhere, do anything for the privilege of serving God and doing His work on the earth!

I could almost see her little heart swell to the greatness of His calling on her life--I wonder how God will use you? I wonder what it will look like for you to live by faith. Look at how God has blessed and led our family as we have served Him. She then said, "You know, Mom, I used to sometimes worry about the possibility of us moving somewhere for our ministry and wondering if I would be willing to give up my friends, but I gave that to Him last week, knowing that I would rather serve Him and watch Him do great things, than to hold on to my little world and fears."

I realized again why I love homeschooling--I have the time to have access to my sweet princess's brain and heart and time to discuss really important things and to love her and nurture her without the hurry and worry that the imposition of a regular schedule might bring. I cherish the times I can train her for the realm in which she will some day rule and bring His light. I love knowing that she and I are such close soul companions because of all the focused time spent without the competition of so many others that she would have if she was in the company of hundreds and hundreds of kids every day. I am preparing to send my children out, and probably away from me, but they will go with hearts and minds filled with stories of heroes who lived differently--boldly, bravely, intentionally for Christ's purposes--to bring light and beauty and truth to their world.

Joy's concluding thought was, "I hope I have 12 kids so I can really have a lot of leaders to send from my home. I can't wait to have my own domain so I can make a place where greatness can live and be made every day as I teach my kids."

It is all about loving God and passing on the baton of His love to our children. Enjoy your day of training your own royalty to rule over the kingdoms God will give to them. And be sure to enjoy the moment--it will pass more quickly than you know!

Grace and peace!

Sally

Loving Well

"In the twilight of our lives, we will be judged on how we have loved."
St. John of the Cross

Ahhhhhh! Finally, after ten days, I have more than five minutes to myself! It is truly a phantom to think that any woman can do it all! I have found in my own life, that if I am attending to the needs of my children, Clay,home, close friends and family, I really have to economize and prioritize my time, as my life pretty much demands every moment of me! I do, more and more with each passing day, sense how important my role as a mother and godly woman is and I do get such joy out of it--as I daily see the results of my many years of striving toward the goal of being a woman after God's own heart and serving those around me for His glory.

Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean that I always feel loving towards these strange people who inhabit my home! But because of my love for the Lord, which is more dear to me each year, I keep putting one step in front of the other and see, with the eyes of my heart and mind, the power of my work to fill souls with great thoughts and causes and love for God's kingdom. Mostly, though,I see more clearly how much I am a living picture of God's reality every day, by exhibiting the fruit of the spirit, by giving cups of cold, refreshing water, by serving and giving of myself and my wisdom and teaching and by always taking the initiative to speak life and joy and wisdom on a daily regular basis.

We once had a friend who was very pious. Her attempts to be spiritual and to pray and to "work" for God, I am convinced, was out of a heart that was striving to figure out how to really know God and serve Him sincerely. Yet, the result of all the denying of self, and speaking piously and working, working, working, left most the people in her life feeling guilty and feeling a bit cold and far off from her. Since it is obvious she had not experienced the grace and peace of God, she could only give out of a soul of performance which brings about death to  relationship. She often only spoke in religious phrases and with each passing month seemed more cold and drained of life. Just the result she wouldn't want.

As I have been pondering this situation, in contrast, I have realized that when I am in the presence of someone who really walks with God, I feel there is such an evidence of life and joy and goodness and well-being and grace and faith. When one is washed with the unconditional love and grace and mercy of God, the result is peace and thankfulness of heart and humility. Of course the few that I can see really exhibit the life of the Lord, aren't above discouragement or humanity, but there is a palpable sense of a way of walking with God and having made a decision to please Him and to trust Him through the ups and downs of life. There is a security I feel in being with them, because I know their sails have been set toward the King and His Kingdom and I can trust in their integrity to continue journeying in the right direction with Him at the helm. I feel a rest in my relationship with such people because I know I am safe in the hands of mature, seasoned lovers of God who will love me and accept me and point me to Him gently as we walk this road of life in fellowship.

On Saturday, we were getting ready for Easter lunch in which we had about a dozen people coming for lunch. Joy had peeled hard-boiled eggs to make deviled eggs. She then got a bright idea of how to make it easier, even though I had suggested the easiest way to fill the eggs. The result was a mess everywhere--I have never seen so much egg yellow on the hands of any one individual! How in the world had she managed to make such a mess? This at the end of a long afternoon of cooking and counseling another teen! She could sense how irritated I was with her! The Lord then gave me eyes to see this hormonal, young woman-my sweet little girl in the throes of growing up. She had "hurt" eyes as she watched me clean up her mess! Then I sat her down, and after having a couple of minutes to think about what I was going to say, I told her how much I appreciate all the ways she had been available to help me in setting the table and going shopping and putting up with the several hours of work we had all done. I told her that I didn't always get my cooking right and how frustrated I often felt when I had put a lot of time into something like making bread or trying a new recipe, when it failed or tasted terrible. I told her I loved her said, "I am sorry if I offended you in any way. You are such a treasure to me and I know you were trying to do a good job. Thanks so much for all the ways you have helped me this week."

The result was that a few minutes later, she climbed into my lap, all long, gangly almost teenage legs and all and said, "I am so thankful that you always love me, mommy." a kiss on the cheek and she was gone.

I know that the older I get and the more I see my own selfishness and immaturity, the more grateful I am that I know I don't have to perform for the Lord. He is mindful that I am but dust, and yet He still calls me His own special child. The amount of times in which He has had to bear with me and love me and give me grace has made me so much more apt to love and forgive and bear with my sweet, but immature children and husband and friends. I know they will make mistakes and be selfish and sinful just like me, but I know that I can only please God and have peace in my own heart when I choose to love them back. And in loving them, my own heart swells with more love and good thoughts and a generous heart.

For instance, this is how it works in my own life. Sometimes, I will have a critical thought toward Clay or the kids or a friend. I know that if I foster the thought, it nurtures self-righteousness and resentment and anger. But when I choose to look at the relationship with eyes of love, to take the thought or attitude captive, I can get perspective--this is a person dear to me, I have a history with this person, they have a personality that comes with many flaws as mine is---I am not primarily the focus of their lives--they do not live to hurt my feelings! I need to remember that love covers a multitude of sin. (Or I remember that this person is immature toddler or exhausted baby or hormonal young woman or middle aged hormonal woman or somewhat retarded "teen" young man or a tired, worn-out husband from days of work.) Then I remember how much I need grace in all of my own fragile times. I also call to mind--I will please my precious, patient Lord Jesus if I obediently act in love. So, I cover the person with grace, say words of patience and kindness and then I am amazed that my feelings of love usually follow and the relationship even gets better. This is not a formula that always works--I am not looking for always having the right results--but it is a way of life, that practiced over years and years, has turned my heart more towards loving and resting and accepting and in return being so blessed in such love that the Lord pours out into my heart. I have learned that if I sow love, I will reap love. Such a blessing to me in return. And all learned at the feet of He who loves me most and best.

Indeed, in the end, how we loved will be a measure of how we lived. May God give you grace today to love well and to walk on His pathway of love and grace.

Asheville--writing a book in an old, cold house!

I can't tell you in words how fun, precious, validating and emotionally affirming to have my own daughter be my own giggly best friend. I can't tell you how very much I enjoy her company. She put me to bed last night with a gentle head rub and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. As I work on a book long dreamed about, but too much to do by myself, I knew that I would need Sarah's help with some of the details of our own family traditions as I wrote the main sections and chapters. It is going to be a very long book--like educating the whole hearted child. But I needed help from one whom I consider the better writer. So we have found ourselves here, in Asheville, as we mentioned in our articles this week. But though our B&B is delightful and we have had absolutely wonderful breakfasts served to us in our room, we have found that this room in the shade, in the early morning hours is quite chilly and just a tiny bit too uncomfortable for writing. So, we turned our little gas fire-place to high and both donned scarves and a throw and wrapped in our cloaks, we both proceeded to write our hearts out. Just thought you would enjoy seeing the snuggling writers in all our glory--no make up-in frumpy, comfy clothes changing the world with our dreams, ideas, coffee, giggles, two computers and shawls! Pray for us to be inspired! Just one day left and we have to go face the real world of home, people, dogs, messes, hugs and kisses and meal times yet again! But in my heart, I will have one more precious memory of a crazy week of artists together playing at this creative work unified in harmony and sweet friendship and deep affection.

PS Lest you think we have suffered too much, we have had one great meal a day (pan fried trout with blackberry sauce last night! Dark Chocolate mousse, for desert) split of course so we can afford it!  and at least one hour of walking a day amongst old turn of the century houses, fields beginning to bloom with lilting daffodils and shops that beg us to come in. Also, necessary is a pot of tea sometime in the afternoon at some place of our choosing! Makes for more meaningful writing and productivity. I am indeed blessed.

Celebrating Life in the midst of the mundane and ordinary days

Today I know that I could make many of you jealous! I am sitting by candlelight, sipping coffee listening to a melancholy instrumental cd while sharing a breakfast soufflé with my dearest best friend, Sarah! (and it is only 9 o’clock in the morning!) After conferences and travel and wearing ourselves out, and homeschooling all along the way, we always plan something fun in March. March is that middle of the spring season time which is neither spring or summer and not a holiday time—cold and snow still abound for us in Colorado—and usually the moms I know are a little bit weary of the school year and  “feeling” no inspiration ahead! That is exactly why I almost always take a break in March. I make up my own holiday time for just a few days—because my soul needs rest and refreshment. This is a long journey and if I am to make it to the end with resilience, I have to plan for refreshment along the way!

Once, a friend told Sarah that her love for beauty seemed a bit frivolous. However, I have always told my children that they are responsible to keep a light burning in their souls—whatever it takes. Creating beauty and joyful moments in the midst of a fallen, sad world is what gives light to others and nurtures light in our own soul. I am not ignoring the pain or difficulties, as the still abound in my life—but admitting that in order to keep going and giving endlessly for many years to come—I have to take responsibility for replenishing my soul and seeking to fill the spiritual, emotional and physical cup of my life with nourishment. Spending time with Sarah—my sweet daughter—or with one of my dearest friends who really knows me—always fills my soul. Filling my mind with encouragement and truth always gives me guidance. Resting and exercising (walking is my therapy!) gives my body a boost.  Clay and I had a lovely dinner all by our selves last week. Joy and I went shopping and I gave her a small budget for taking us to shops and for a treat—we had a blast talking. I took both the boys on dates alone to Panera’s for coffee and a treat of their choice. I used to take the kids when they were little on a drive to the mountains with a great book on tape in the car and hot chocolate at a little café—or breakfast out at a fun mountain eatery.

Going for long walks or hiking, reading a magazine or frivolous book, sleeping in, having a tea party or lunch in the middle of the week with kids and moms for no reason, creating a scavenger hunt in the house for kids, hiding wooden painted Polish eggs all over the house for my friend’s kids while the moms gather for gabbing, taking a long extended bubble bath with divine music and candlelight and not answering the phone or the door; going to a favorite café in the middle of the week in a downtown area—even if we all share meals or just get soup (which we are likely to do with our budget tight from 3 college age kids with cars and jobs and school costs!)  Whatever sounds good and within reason, I do because I know the principle of the Sabbath—God designed for us to have and to take rest because without it, we do not endure well or see Him clearly or have the strength to believe in order to get perspective.

This is the third year I have been able to get away with Sarah for a few days in Asheville, NC—one of our favorite cities in the world. Wonderful trails to walk, great cafes in which to have savory food or a sumptuous treat and time to breathe in the goodness of long quiet times and walks amongst old, beautiful Victorian houses. Clay graciously assented to our several day trip as we look for places in the south for a potential mom’s conference next year, as well as working on a new book 4-6 hours a day. Very sweet friends are hosting Joy for a week long of total pleasure and fun while we are sequestered away to write. But mostly, just investing rest and pleasure and goodness and beauty so that we can go back home to give and give and give again—but with a smile on our face! So, take time this week to do something unexpected that will indeed celebrate God’s goodness and that will bless everyone in your home! Give your body and soul and mind a rest and time to refuel!
Blessings,
Sally

Snow on a Sunday afternoon

Today was a fun day. Since we can't all get together for devotionals anymore during the week with everyone's various schedules, we do a big breakfast and devos on Sunday mornings. Candlelight, music, coffee and pajama'd folks circling around. Today was a soufle, fresh fruit, cinnamon rolls and hash browns. It was fun to see how excited and loud everyone got when we got into a discussion from I John. I do have great memories of how our family has developed over the years into highly opinionated, articulate people. Sometimes it is exhausting, but today was fun.

It was snowing profusely and swirling in dancing gusts. A great day to stay inside and sit by the fire. Sometimes at 54, I think I should be sipping tea and contemplating my memoirs. But, I still have 12 year old who wants to play, so we just had to go out into the 22 degree weather and play. I followed in her footsteps (she had gone ahead to hide in a tree) and found my way through knee deep snow on a path that led to Sir Noble--the tallest pine tree in the area where Joy was hiding from me. We were originally going to meet at the top of the world (the top of the hill where we can look at the view of the mountain range), but after I trounced through Merryman's passage ( the first part of the path), and on to the tree, I thought better of getting any deeper than knee high as I was already falling through her footsteps to the ground below. Joy and her exploring friend have named every section and landmark and played Robin Hood and thieves and princesses and orphans amongst the trees and paths amongst the houses. Great, rousing blowing wind and sparkling snow and a fun memory with my elf who keeps me young and celebrating the important moments of life.

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What a privilege it was to be in our conferences in Colorado, California and Texas to be amongst such wonderful mothers. My fellowship with all of you was so precious and being in the company of such committed women gave me more strength to keep going in my own role as a mom. Many sweet moms are up against such obstacles with illnesses, difficult marriages or working through the journey as single moms, knowing the weariness of the journey of constant with little or no support and financial constraints, and many having no background or model to follow. And yet, I was so encouraged by your stories and seeing many pictures of your children—you are my heroes because I know personally the work such a life requires, but I also know that your labor is not in vain and eternity and history will be different because of your great work of faith.

As always happened, when I returned from being on the road off and on for six weeks, including a trip for a funeral, I found my energy was somewhat depleted and the piles needed taming. But I am used to this from 10 years of doing it. I give myself and our family grace—we sleep later hours, leave piles unattended, school undone—knowing that in due time we will attack them all and get it all done in due season. I give us time to catch back up to life. We eat easy or store bought meals and paper plates for ease of cleaning, do leisurely, fun, “cup-filling” activities to give all of us who are depleted in the expending of so much energy, traveling and serving, a time to restore. It used to overwhelm me, but as I have studied the whole concept of seasons and even as I worked on the new parts of my book, I have found grace in submitting to the limitations of each season and leaning into it instead of resisting it. My passion is rekindled by being with all the sweet moms, my body begins to catch up, my emotions smooth out and the piles gradually disappear and I am then caught up again in the grand call that I have learned to love so much!
Blessings and sunshine to all of you this week!
Love and grace to you in the midst of walking with Him, who so wisely appointed us to this grand call!
Sally
(Sally@wholeheart.org)

PS Below is a dictionary definition, and a quotation as well as some of my own commentary on some excellent words written over 100 years ago—that still apply today! Enjoy!

The Civilizing of Our Nation

civ·i·lize
1. to create a high level of culture
2. to teach somebody to behave in a more socially, morally and culturally acceptable way
Enlighten, cultivate, improve, advance, subdue in terms of a people or nation.

“The home is the fountain of civilization. The value and character and appetites of a people are greatly determined by the reading, training and cultivating of moral and spiritual appetites in the home.

Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure. …, Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.”

From Mother, Home and Heaven from Poetic, prose and literature
Of all ages and all lands. Copyright 1878-1880

The above quotations were gleaned from a wonderful book that a friend gave to me at our Dallas conference. The words written over a hundred years ago are still very powerful today. This, in a culture where the imagination of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction and vision with lots of activities and distractions for their children. This hyper-activity and rushing around to an endless list of expensive lessons and experiences and the buying of the newest expensive curriculum and technological options make moms feel like they are accomplishing something. However, when the home-life of children is rich with excellent, classic literature, passionate Biblical devotions, rousing dinner-table discussions around sumptuous, tasty meals, lots of love and affection given and household chores attended to—and a child will become committed to all that is good and excellent and develop a moral and compassionate soul for all the divinely important values.

From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness and grand civility. But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned. The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given. The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which a the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, home-made food shared in the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice given in the midst of washing dishes together or sharing of a meal; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud and shared together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth, mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch are those heavenly things which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or text book that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

It is indeed the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the heart of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable. A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation. Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic which go into the process of soul development.