I Take Joy

A Kind of Kingdom

A home is a kingdom of its own in the midst of the world, a stronghold amid life's storms and stresses, a refuge, even a sanctuary. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

An Ode to Tired Mamas

There once was a sweet mom with children,
Who worked day and night just to serve them,
She cleaned and she cooked
and she taught and she booked,
Till she died of exhaustion and left them.

Ok, ok--it's not great poetry, but I did think there should be a short dedication to all the moms who have given and given and given with nary a one to appreciate them. I got tickled the other day. I had written the blog about taking Nathan to dedicate him to the Lord after taking him out to lunch and then the little story about taking Joy out for her 13th birthday. A sweet mom who read the blog was probably sending a comment to a friend and accidentally pushed the reply button and sent her email to me which said, "She makes me tired!" (I have done this before much to my horror--meaning to send a comment to Clay and instead sending it to the person who wrote it! Grace and peace--don't worry!)

But, I do think this task of ideal mothering is such a tiring calling and we all put ourselves under  so much pressure to be perfect when we have too many sinful children,  no support systems, no breaks, no full time maids,  and they all want  to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day !  And we are  responsible for their character, manners, education and spiritual  outcome, sense of well-being and happiness! A lot to ask.

In light of this, I also received another letter from a sweet mom. She asked if I ever blew it and yelled at my children! Yes, I have sinned often in the presence of my less than perfect children. I have had to accept myself as God does--it says in Psalm 103, "He is mindful that we are but dust!" Oh well, God says, Sally is just dust anyway, what can you expect from her?" As Joel my son once well said when I was in a tizzy over the messy house. "Mom, we will clean the house and it will just get messy again. But when you are sad, we feel guitly, like we have done something wrong. But when you are happy, we feel happy and like we are the greatest family in the world. So, Mom, lighten up and we will all be ok!"

We moms are giving out at a much faster rate than we are taking in and so depletion and exhaustion and consequences thereof are normal. So blowing a top once in a while is very  normal. I love the verse in Proverbs that says, "Where there are no oxen, the stalls are clean." I have at least six oxen in my stalls all the time, so my stall is always in different degrees of clean-ness!

I just want to affirm all of you who are hard on yourselves. You are making a difference in this world-your work is eternal and extremely important. Don't give up what you are doing--ever, ever, ever. But, take a break.
What will it take to fill your cup emotionally? Going out with a friend to an adult lunch where no one tastes of your food? Or being by yourself alone? Or sleeping? Take time this summer to put beauty and life and joy and fun and pleasure in your life.

Another mom sent me a letter asking if my children were ever overworked in ministry or if we just had fun all the time. Probably, because my life has been so hard (children with illnesses and difficult issues; moving 17 times--6 times internationally; having little support or encouragement from family and almost never having anyone take my children as many grandparents do; and oh so many other difficulties), it is the very reason I seek to create life and beauty and fun--because I don't want to die in the process, and I don't want to live a life of constant depression and weariness, knowing it is not good for me! I want to keep going and live and keep being gracious, because life and light and beauty give strength--to me and to my children!

One summer, we had 62 nights of overnight guests. That meant weeks on end of kids giving up their beds, washing stacks and stacks of dishes, and loads of sheets and towels, babysitting other children--so that one day when one of my children looked out of the window and saw a strange car drive up, he said, "Quick, everyone hide and maybe no one will see us and want to come in!" I realized at this point, my kids needed a rest, fun, replenishing and a break from so much work.

So, knowing it is God's will for me to last, I have had to conduct my own symphony of beauty and joy, so to speak. I have had to take responsibility of planning grace, rest (I never do housework or ministry or tasks on Sunday--it is a sabbath rest for this girl!). I make my family and husband a priority above writing and ministry--which is why I am so slow at getting projects and books out.

Just this morning, was a perfect example of potentially getting tired over so many little things. I got up at 6 to have a quiet time and planning to go on a 30 minute walk and then write this short blog! Nate called up to me and said, "Hey, you wanta have eggs with me--then we can talk--you make them I will eat them--before he went to his landscaping job. By then, I had to awaken Joy and make her breakfast as she is helping with the 3-5 year olds at VBS. Then Joel came in and said, "I will do shopping for you if you make a list." Afterwhich as I got Joel and Joy out the door. (Joel is leaving for a summer project in 3 days and needed input on shopping.) Clay came in and said, "We really need to make a decision about some ministry stuff." Forty minutes later, he left for work, so I took a hot walk instead of a cool one because it was so late.  The moment I stepped in the door from taking the dog out, Sarah came in and said, "Can I just have a few moments of your time. It is about my future and a job that came up and what I should do." So now, it is almost 11 and my day has been taken up by everyone else, having gotten none of my own plans accomplished, but did what I am supposed to do. It as been that way since they were toddlers!

So, after years and years of 24/7, I have learned that I have to force things into my schedule that give me rest, provide a break, fill my cup. I am not talking about the cultural expectation that we deserve to have our own time--as my life has never regularly allowed this. But I am talking about being a good steward of yourself. Women must take time to read the word and pray--it is a foundation for fitting in to a schedule. I found that for my health and adrenalin, I had to build walking into my life almost everyday--Health and eating the right foods makes me last longer. It is also Biblical to have friends who can encourage us in the Lord--Lone Ranger mommies are more prone to give up, give in to depression and quit their ideals. Ecclesiastes tells us to find a companion to lift us up. As an introvert , I have to have some alone time in order to keep centered--it is why I developed the habit of getting up early to have a quiet time an to drink a cup of tea all alone. It doesn't always work, but I worked to let the kids stay up later so that they would sleep a little longer.

It is also why we started to do the Whole Hearted Moms conferences--to give moms a break, spiritually encouraging input, fun, encouragement, chocolate and a nice luncheon! So, as you are planning your summer, be sure to make time for yourself. You and your attitude are at the center of all things working well.

Remember, "A Joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Take good medicine, and even in the midst of draining circumstances or difficult times, plan on lighting a candle in the darkness, playing music through the pain, dancing in the midst of the mess, and smiling often as it is truly good for the heart! And above all, give yourself sweet grace!

Sally
Sally@wholeheart.org

The Hands-Down Favorite Blueberry Muffins

    * 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
    * 3/4 cup brown sugar
    * 1/2 teaspoon salt
    * 2 teaspoons baking powder
    * 1/3 cup vegetable oil
    * 1 egg
    * 1/3 cup milk or 1/3 cup vanilla yogurt
    * 1 cup fresh blueberries (you could also use frozen)
    * 1/2 cup white sugar
    * 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
    * 1/4 cup butter, cubed
    * 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (very important!)

DIRECTIONS

   1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease muffin cups or line with muffin liners.
   2. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt and baking powder. Place vegetable oil into a 1 cup measuring cup; add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this with flour mixture. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin cups right to the top, and sprinkle with crumb topping mixture.
   3. To Make Crumb Topping: Mix together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter, and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix with fork, and sprinkle over muffins before baking.
   4. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, or until done.

A Child's Heart

The hunger for love, affirmation, attention, and acceptance is a deep drive that will search for fulfillent until it finds it. A child's first attachment is meant to be with its mother, so lots of loving touches and caresses from her make a difference in the child's future intellect, emotional stability, and sense of well-being. Time and affectionate attention from a father and significant others is crucial as well.

However, if a child's need for such attachment is not met in the home, he will need to look for it from his peers or anywhere else he can find it. In order to fit in with those wiling to give him time, the child will tend to adapt his values and morals to whatever is required. At the same time, a child who does not learn to make healthy attachments and maintain healthy relationships in her family may have a hard time developing intimate bonds with anyone else in the future.

As a mother, I have the ability to provide the love, acceptance, and attention my children need to grow up secure and able to develop mature relationships. I also have the opportunity to model mature love, commitment, fogiveness,accountability, grace. and encouragement for my children. The home is an ideal environment in which children can experience the growth of a mature relationship where give-and-take are learned in the context of real life. And this ideally includes an understanding of the true power of God's love.

-Mission of Motherhood, Chapter Seven

Memories that last and refresh the soul

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched ... but are felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. The ordinary objects of human endeavour - property, outward success, luxury - have always seemed to me contemptible.
Albert Einstein

Every once in a while, Clay and I take an overnight to get away together. (the picture is at the top of the mountain at Dawson's grave) Clay is my best friend, heart companion, who in the midst of our very busy life with our 4 kids, never gets enough alone time to talk! Usually the purpose of getting alone is to pray, read scripture and plan our ministry for the next six months to a year and to go out to dinner all by ourselves! It is always good for us to be away alone. I think because we both feel we are called together to be involved in something bigger than ourselves, often the glue that has drawn us even closer, even in years of stress and difficulty, is the sense that we are a part of God's kingdom work and he has something for us to do during our lifetime.

    Though I sometimes become weary of traveling and writing and speaking, the one thing that drives me is meeting so many young adults who are lost--emotionally and spiritually and who have scars. Often, their growing up years have been wrought with such havoc because of their parent's selfish decisions, they don't even have a place in their mind or experience to understand the truth about God's reality.  Since I  see this sadness and sorrow and brokenness so often, it drives me to do my part in encouraging and training and teaching young parents about their Biblical design to love, nurture and train their children in righteousness while cultivating a deep love for God. Our  deep love and appreciation for the Lord and all the ways He has blessed us through knowing Him and His ways, keeps fueling the fire of our faith and messages. But getting away to dream really helps to keep us going.

So last week, Clay and I stayed at the wonderful Glen Eyrie retreat center (the view of the castle at Glen Eyrie from our bench at the top of the hike) to pray, plan and talk. Clay is the architect and visionary planner, so we dreamed and talked about what we would pursue in the coming year. Late in the afternoon, we decided to hike up to the grave of Dawson Trottman, the founder of the Navigator's ministry, who I mentioned last week. We sat at the bench where I had met with Nathan and my other children before.

On the way down, we walked by such a lovely scene that immediately my mind and heart drew back to a delightful memory in my childhood. (Clay took a picture of the iris below on our hike.) My mother had a rose garden in one of the homes in which we grew up as little children. My favorite rose was a peace rose--pink, yellow and white. I delighted in wondering around all the rose bushes and picking a beautiful bud just before dinner, to put on the table, when my mother allowed. However, every spring, she had another bed devoted to purple iris.

My mom was involved in a garden club--mostly social, but once a year, they had a flower show. When I was around ten, my mom said to me, "How would you like to enter the flower show this year? I think you should try your hand at picking and arranging a couple of flowers, as I think you might just have an artistic touch!"

I still remember how excited I was that she would share from her treasured garden with me. I arose early the morning before the show to ponder which flowers I would use. Though there actually were some young rose buds begging for my attention, my eyes were drawn to the lovely velvety purple iris. I pondered long and hard which one I thought was the most beautiful. I wanted just one beautiful iris to stand tall in a lovely crystal vase I had picked out from my mother's china cabinet. Finally, I eyed one iris that seemed to stand out above them all and it was absolutely perfect--seeming to have just opened up. My mom helped me to cut it lower than I was inclined to do. As we walked toward the house, I spotted some yellow yarrow. "I think I will put just a few sprigs of the yellow yarrow around the iris to bring out the beautiful center," I said outloud.

I still remember the butterflies in my tummy as I proudly held my beautiful iris in the car on our way to the competition. I didn't want anything to injure or shift the delicate positioning of my work of art! We entered the large ball room where dozens of a varieties of flowers were standing according to category. The perfume of such glorious flowers overpowered us as we walked amongst the array of colors and variety. I found my spot with my name and carefully placed my flower upon the table. Perhaps it was my first experience at true love. Even though there were countless other entries, when I looked upon the whole room as I was leaving, it seemed to me that my single iris with the few wisps of yarrow was breathtakingly beautiful and outstanding above all other arrangements. My category was children's artistic arrangements.

I went to bed early that night just so I could quit wondering if mine would win a ribbon or not. It seemed the next morning that breakfast took forever. Couldn't my mom speed just a little bit to get there earlier, I pondered as we drove to the auditorium? As I walked in, I quickly found my beauty--and there, taped to the side of the vase was a bright blue, " first place "ribbon! First in it's class, the little card on the ribbon said. I don't remember getting many ribbons when I was a child, so it meant a whole lot!

All of these feelings came upon me in an instant-- a memory from 45 years ago--when Clay and I happened upon a spray of lovely, purple iris.  I still felt proud and happy. I felt that warm, beautiful feeling that brought  a smile to my face, of the pleasure of my mother's trust in me to share her treasures--her prized flowers and the sweet closeness she shared with me alone in the experience of working on it, hoping and celebrating the moment together--just me and my mother--all by ourselves.I just had to share it with you.

Blessings of beauty this week!

Sally

Sally@wholeheart.org

Seize the Moment--it will never come again.

Dear Moms,

I am so very happy to have finally reached summer! What a blessing to have fewer activities, longer days of sunshine, many more fresh fruits and veggies and more leisurely days with my family and friends! But summer also represents to me, a time to sow—a time to garden! I especially see this as a time to purposefully sow into my children’s souls and memories!

When I wrote the new version of Season’s of a Mother’s heart, I included a story about Nathan in the summer sections. Summer is that season where you have a window time to cultivate and sow seeds for a window of time, when the window is closed—just as the time to plant seeds and grow a garden closes, we cannot go back. The time has passed. I have observed this in many areas, many years.

The particular story about Nathan concerned his summer after he graduated from high school. By that time, Nate was already busy with work and friends and activities. So I knew that when he had free time for me to be with him, I wanted to make it special so that he would look forward to other such times. Seems to me that if I want to have an open heart to speak to, I have to invest the time to fill my children's emotional cups, first--even if it means filling their stomach!

To make a long story short, (and you can read about it in the new book), I made time to take Nathan out for coffee and lunch and then took him to a beautiful spot in the mountains to pray with him and dedicate his adult life to the Lord. It was a very memorable moment and we had a lot of fun! And he even held my hand as we prayed together! When the time was over, Nate said, “Mom, I think my friends should hear what you told me today! Not all of them are committed to the Lord, but I know they would all love to eat! Why don’t you make them steak dinners, and fully loaded baked potatoes and homemade bread and a chocolate cake and then they will listen to any thing you say!

So, a week later, I invited his friends and had such a party and shared scripture with the boys and gave them a send-off speech, (I know that God can use you boys to change the world if you choose to follow Him speech.)  These darling, funny, hunks of boys, all huddled up around me and asked me to pray for them. So I prayed my heart out in as cool a way as I could—and can just see them in my minds eye, even now, so wanting their lives to be special

Since then, a number of moms who have read that chapter, have asked me to post what I said to the boys on my blog or write it into a newsletter! The whole 30 minute speech would be too long, but I did decide to include the verses I used and just a few comments.
Here are the main verses I used.

1.  Above all, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all, all the things you need to live your life will be added to you." (Matt 6:33 Seeking first the kingdom comes with the understanding that we are only temporarily living in this world, but everything we do and choose in this world will have implications in heaven--where Jesus' Kingdom will be lived for eternity. We have this time given to us to be faithful, bold, lifegiving, generous. Choose to see everything you do through the lense of eternity. Seek first, as you make decisions, to make them in light of His Kingdom and His righteousness and you will build and store treasures for all of eternity!

2.  The most important thing God wants from you is to love Him. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect any more than Peter was perfect, but He can work with a man who serves Him from the depth of his heart.
“You shall love the Lord with all of your heart—your personality, passions, dreams, purpose—value Him above all others. Love Him in the way you speak to others, treat others. Love Him in and through all of your actions and then you will know what is acceptable and what is not moral or right to do!  Love Him with all of your mind—let only those thoughts that honor him fill your mind. Fill your mind with His words, read great books, only watch those movies and engage in those areas of thinking that are worthy of His greatness.

Along with this verse, remember that God’s is looking for men of a faithful heart and He tells us that, “The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” II Chronicles 16:9

3. Love your neighbor as yourself. God is a relational God and you are like Him when you choose to be loving, forgiving and gracious to people. When you love unconditionally, you are acting out God's divine nature.

4.  Remember that each of you has a personality, strengths, messages and skills that God has created you with uniquely. He also says in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” He has something for you to do in this world in your life-time that no one else can accomplish. Ask Him to show you what you have been designed to do, how you are to bring His light in the world, how you can be a redeemer to bring His truth, hope and beauty to all that you meet. When you follow Him where He has designed you to go, you will have His power, blessings and resources to complete it. Seek to do His work in His power and in submission to His will and you will be used by Him mightily.

5.  In a world that is separated from God, you will encounter many battles and times of difficulty where your resolve to be committed to God will be tested. The one thing Satan would most love to accomplish is to have God’s redeemed quit believing in Him and His goodness or to fall into temptation and end in despair. First, write down your non-negotiables. What are the morals you will keep? What are the commitments you want to make? Write them on a slip of paper to keep in your wallet or in your cell phone. Review and read and pray over these often. If a soldier is going to go into battle, he needs to know that his enemy is out to get him. He must take precaution in order to win the battle.

Next, though, remember that God wants loyal children. Remember that believing in God, praying to Him, expecting Him to work is the secret to a life that will always have the grace to be resilient in any situation! Hebrews 11:1 and 6 informs us about faith—Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. A man who can hold fast, be patient, wait for God is indeed a man who God will use. “And without faith it is impossible to please God for He who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. When you trust in God’s resources, He will accomplish great things—kill giants, open pathways! Just keep believing!

This was the main part of what I shared with them--but I must stop now so the article won't be too long!  Just one more thought, though. When I make time to celebrate life with my children and honor them as my treasured friends, it lays a foundation in their hearts that is also open to my influence.

*************************************************************************
Such a time also happened with Joy this week. Last Monday marked Joy, who is my youngest, 13th birthday.Though we had been out of town for a conference in Florida for 5 days, we knew that it was a day to celebrate and acknowledge. Birthday breakfast and all that goes with it was lots of fun as well as a grill-out with friends that evening. But, every time our children turn 13, Clay and I feel we need to usher our children into young adulthood with our own personal time with them. A sweet friend of mine and her daughter went to an overnight at a hotel. (I had free points!) We treated the girls as lovely girls—a little package of lotion, a scrubbing mask, treats before dinner with candlelight, and chocolate cake and milk (all brought from home!) We shared dinner, shopping for a whole evening, swimming to top off the day.

The next day, we had a leisurely breakfast and then ended our time together with tea at a lovely café new to us. (It is in historic downtown Littleton, Colorado near Denver. Called Serendipi TEA Shoppe, and if you go there, please tell her you heard about her from us--a very sweet, lovely woman. ) We all donned hats and especially enjoyed the warm, crusty scones with clotted cream—delicious! The hours together provided time for great conversation, prayer and giggles. As the youngest, Joy has often had to compete with the older kids for attention. When we came home, she hugged me fast and said, “Mommy, you can’t even imagine how much fun it was to be with you all by yourself! I love you!

God bless you with "seize the moments"--moments all summer as you seek to sow seeds of righteousness in open hearts!

Sally

Sally@wholeheart.org

PS I cannot figure out how to answer comments as typepad is new to me! A sweet mom suggested that there are moms who think spiritual input should be left to the husbands. Look at Proverbs 8 and 9--Wisdom is always personified as a woman calling out to young men to live pure lives. Paul tells about Timothy's mother and grandmother who taught him scripture. God used Esther to influence the King to protect the Jews. Proverbs 31 tells us that the teaching of wisdom is to be on the tongue of a godly woman. Clay married me because he loved my mission letters home. We have both felt that it takes both of us, all the time, whenever possible to breathe spiritual breath into the lives of our children. I am so privileged to be home during the daytime hours when all of my children's friends are around. We have lots of people over for dinners at night when Clay can be there, but part of a woman's strength is to pray and to civilize nations right from her home! May He bless your spiritual impact in and from your home!