I Take Joy

A Very Blue Tuesday!

Tuesday morning, I awakened at 3:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally got up and listed all the areas of worry that were on my mind. I have tried to make it a habit to reject thoughts of worry, fear and discouragement. One of the ways I have dealt with these thoughts is by remembering scripture, thanking and praising the Lord for what He is and what He has provided. So I spent quite a while acknowledging His love and light and beauty and different passages that had spoken to my heart. Then I listed out to Him all the areas that were worrying me! By morning time, as everyone began to awaken, I was at least back to neutral.

But, first thing off the bat, as I had made Joy a piece of peanut butter toast to eat in the car on the way to a half-day computer camp, I spilled her drink all over my lap and started off in the car wet. Then on the way down the freeway, after I had picked up her friend, I was pulled over by a policewoman. My adrenalin shot up! Seems she was stopping people and asking them why they weren't getting over in the left lane if there was a police man on the side of the road. I asked her if she had seen the truck with trailer just left of me. She said she had, but thought maybe I would have had time to get safely over in the left lane. "I guess you didn't have time. But is your insurance current?" "Yes, I said, as I showed her all the cards. (thanks to Clay who is organized!) Well, let me check your record. (So we waited while she checked on my record as the minutes checked off!) "Well, I guess you are clean. You can go."

Came back home and had a looooonnnnnng conversation with Clay before he left for work. He was feeling quite down about all the things I was worried about. When my husband is down and I try to lift him up, it can tempt me to feel quite down as I love him and feel responsible for his well-being.  (Finding an apartment for Nate in NYCity that he can afford, should we send him there? What about his loan? Will he be able to pay it off? What about Joel? Will he be able to find a job and room mate? Should he move to Nashville or work and complete his degree at home or go to school in Boston? What about all the finances in that? What about all the financial issues facing us? House, cars, medical? printing and publishing and staff? The impending medical issues for a couple of family members? The bad economy--will Whole Heart go under if women quit coming to our conferences? If supporters quit believing in our ministry? How will we help our college age kids who are struggling so hard? What about Mom--will she have to move to a nursing home against her will with her increasing health problems? 

The next chain of thoughts after Clay went to the office were something like this, "I am so tired. Everyone takes from me--my children, my husband, the women I minister to, my staff, my friends. But, I never have a break. Lord, do you even care that I have been faithful all these years? What about all the hours and hours I have prayed? Am I invisible to you? I need to see you do something today to show me that you are real and that you still care. And so on!"

I call this the Elijah syndrome. I, alone, am faithful! Well, sometimes it does seem as if us moms are carrying the world on our shoulders. And I am convinced I have had much more on my shoulders than most other people! (It is how we feel--baby years there is pregnancy, ear infections, behavioral issues, learning to give up all of your rights, housework, too much to be done, not finding other believers that have our values, isolation--and then the universal areas that plague us through all seasons--finances, loneliness, marital stress and strain, moving, husband's jobs, problems at church, depression and so on.

I think, in general, American culture sells us a bill of goods--if you just have the right things, or right home, or good figure or exercise program, or find the right school or right homeschooling resources, or if my husband or children would just change, then I would be happy and then I could deal with my life. The commercials and magazines promise easy solutions.

But in reality, we are in a war. Jesus said, "In this world, you have tribulation. In this world you will be persecuted. Lay up treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal." None of what he said promised a panacea in this world. So, after I had some good cries and felt the depth of my discouragement fully, yesterday, I remembered some things that have really helped.

1. Satan is a father of lies and he whispers false thoughts about God and causes us to doubt God's goodness. In John 8:44, Jesus says to the Pharisees, "You are of your father, the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father, who was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks, he speaks from  his own nature; for he is a liar and the father of lies!"

I Peter 5:8 tells us that we are to "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

In Genesis, the very first time we see temptation from Satan to Adam and Eve, Satan casts a shadow of doubt over God's goodness. "Indeed has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree in the garden.'?" Then he proceeds to lie, "You shall surely not die. For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Satan wants us to think  we cannot trust or believe in God because of all the difficult things that are happening in our lives. He also tempted Job that way. So we must know that much of our emotional battle as women is to fight against the feelings and thoughts that tempt us to think badly about God and His provision. He tempted Jesus and Peter, he will tempt us.

2. Satan particularly hates moms who are raising godly children. Revelation 12: 12 tells us, "Woe to the earth and the sea, because  the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time." Great wrath!  But in verse 17, it goes on to say, "And the dragon (Satan) was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her offspring, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimonies." Satan is making war with the offspring--our children--especially those who keep the commandments of God!

3. Realistically recognizing that there is a battle every day and understanding the implications in our life. I am so engulfed with the details of daily life, that I forget that I am changing eternity by bringing God's excellence and character and truth to bear every minute of every day when I display His attributes--even in the small ways I relate to them and keep my home a life-giving place as well as the attitudes I have about work and my husband and life and challenges! But Paul, who loved and served God so very passionately, warns us:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual fores of wickedness in the heavenly places. therefore, take up the full aror of God that you may be able to resist in the evil day and having done everything to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; and in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. And take the Helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God."

I find that it is in my heart, my thoughts where I am either totally defeated or strengthened. I need to hold up the shield of faith--God will provide, I believe He will take care of me, living by fear cannot exist with faith. I have His favor and understanding and He will provide my needs in His time. God is faithful. I pledge my allegiance today to him.

Interestingly, Peter said pretty much the same thing that Paul said, and we know both of them had very challenging lives. He says, "But resist him, (satan), firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren throughout the world."

All of us are experiencing the same kinds of trials. Many sweet moms are struggling against the work load, the fusses, the loneliness, the pressures, the piles and the emotions. But those of us who push through, stand strong in faith, resist temptation and negative, dark thoughts, are joining with the over-comers--those sweet believers whose lives will bring great glory to God when we see Him face to face.

So, today, I am approaching all the same pressures, but today, I am putting up my shield of faith and letting God carry my issues. What I practice, I will become. If I practice faith, I will become more a person of strong faith. If I practice negativity and doubt, I will become depressed as I quench the Spirit. Sometimes it is moment by moment, but already I am moving toward a place of His peace where He lives. May he give His sweet grace and an abundance of His gracious love to all of you today!

I would so appreciate your prayers for Clay and me as we move into strategic meetings, relationships, decisions and circumstances that God's wisdom and ways would prevail. Thanks so very much.

I have already prayed for you who will read these words. You are indeed precious to Him and your work is noticed and oh so important! Bless you!

just a few things

Hi, Sweet friends!
I am so frustrated because I usually write back (on email) every one who comments on my blog. However, when I have tried to send them to my email from the wholeheart box they come to, I am only getting about one out of every five! So, though I really love it when people comment because it helps me to know there are people out in cyberspace, I can't seem to make it work. So I might eventually go back to my old address but I will let all of you know what I decide.

I am currently working on a book right now that address the idea of cultivating a heat of joy in a disappointing world. Also, hard at work on some exciting projects for Whole Heart Ministries. Clay and I really feel that moms are the key to building a righteous generation, but so many sweet moms haven't been trained for their role, lack the philosophy to carry them through, don't have a deep understanding of scripture and have few support systems or accountability. Clay came up with an idea that will encompass a whole new ministry outreach. We are praying together about how to create a sense of spiritual movement amongst moms all over the world committed to raising a godly generation.

So we are seeking to develop a new ministry that would be an international network of moms developing small groups to gather around the word together--to keep each other encouraged and to help support this difficult but important calling! I am convinced that those women and families who are alone and isolated without friends to speak encouragement in their lives are much more vulnerable to spiritual discouragement and loneliness. We are developing a leadership group who will give input, articles, speak and train at future conferences. We are also developing small group Bible studies for all of our current mom's books as well as seeking to develop some new Bible Studies that moms can use in their homes for daily encouragement.

We hope to develop a web site soon and maybe even begin putting up messages--audio and video--that we hope will give moms a place to come to receive regular encouragement and input. We would so appreciate any of your thoughts and input on these areas. We are hoping to begin raising the funding for staff and new Bible study materials and guides and projects. it is too big for us to do alone with all of our  other commitments,  and so we are praying that the Lord will raise up others  who can help us in our newest vision for ministry. If you would like to receive our email newsletter about all that is happening and all that we are doing, please subscribe to our newsletter list at admin@wholeheart.org as we will be sending out more information to those on our newsletter list very soon. It is exciting to see the Lord opening many doors as we move ahead. We would love to see many of you become a part of our network!

I would appreciate your prayers in regard to all of this. Also, if any of you would like to be a part of such a network, please email admin@wholeheart.org and you will be put on a list to receive notification of conferences, possible news letters, events and small groups in your area as we become more organized, and other happenings to tie you into all that we hope to see the Lord doing. Also, if you desire to be a leader of a small group and would be interested in more information on how we can help you be successful in creating an environment in which the Lord will work for a small group of women in your life, please email me (Sally@wholeheart.org or admin@wholeheart.org).

I am so excited to see what the Lord is doing. He is raising up others nationally who are becoming a part of the leadership and  helping us to invest in the writing of  some of our materials.   But for now, I need to keep working on my book, support Joy in her role as the mother duck in Honk, a Broadway musical being performed with our local drama group about the Ugly Duckling, send Sarah off to Nashville for a week as she goes to visit a dear friend and drive Joel home from Masterworks and seek a reasonable loan for Nate with his new school this fall. I am very thankful for all that the Lord is doing in our lives. He has blessed us so much and I thank Him for His faithfulness. I am also thankful for so many of you, my friends, who help keep us going!

Have a wonderful week!
Blessings!
Sally
Sally@wholeheart.org

But He [Jesus] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. -2 Cor. 12:9

As long as I can remember, Nathan, my 19 year old son, has been acting. He would listen to me read stories of heroes and adventure, and then he would don the bright blue cape I had made him from a yard of material. He would become that hero. Superman was the most prominent of stories that he heard somewhere along the way. "Mom," he would say, "Superman is like Jesus. He came from a far off place to redeem the world and get rid of all of its bad people and rescue those who needed help. I want to be a superman someday."

And so he would play with his swords, and record radio dramas, and dream of his hero stories. As the years went on, he and I would still read stories of great people and those who made a difference in history. Stories of those who fought off the darkness and brought light were his favorite. Nate, (now his name of choice by friends), started foraying out into the world of teenagers. There were some bumpy roads along the hormonal way through teenage-hood, but as he grew, he continued to grow in his desire to reach those who needed light and goodness. As a pied-piper personality, he developed many friends. Many were in need of light, redemption and restoration. "Mom," he would say, "I want to be a light and I am praying for God to open doors in music or acting or performance of some kind." He practiced bringing that light to many lost friends. He also made good decisions and grew from mistakes. He was mounting up experience in faithfulness and faith, even amidst the difficult pressures he was facing. He has also faithfully been working and saving money at a landscaping job every day. So for two years, he has prayed and waited and worked. Often, I wondered how realistic it was and we had many long, late night discussions at our home about it all.

And so we prayed with him, that God would open doors. Nate stayed unflinchingly strong. "God will open his doors in His time, Mom." I kept praying for God's will in the life of this idealistic young man, but couldn't imagine just how it would happen. We live in Colorado, not exactly the mecca of the music industry or the movie and television capitol of the world.It seemed I knew hundreds of youth who had such dreams, and yet he was my son, so I prayed because he wanted us to and because he prayed.

And yet when I prayed, I was confronted with fears--- the terrible secularism and garbage of the media. It wasn't the place Clay and I had dreamed of sending our children. But we kept praying and Nate kept praying and telling us that He knew God would open a door.

So, in April, in the midst of too many activities and responsibilities. two different friends called me and told me about a national Christian group who was auditioning local talent. I didn't follow up because it was just a commercial on a Christian radio station and I thought it was probably just a way for an agency to make money on all the "want-to-be's" who were hopefuls for the acting and music industry. But, both of my friends who had been praying with me for Nathan, called three times, unbeknownst to each other! Finally, one morning, my friend called and said, "Sally, it's on the radio in 5 minutes. You need to listen to the interview and decide for yourself--after all, Nathan has been praying for 2 years for God to open the doors.

So, I went to  my car to listen, since I couldn't get my indoor radio to work! After listening to the interview with the leaders of the organization, I decided that it couldn't hurt to audition. So, off we went where Nate had to prepare a monologue and have an interview. After the audition, we were invited to a national conference in Orlando where 890 talented people from 4--65 would be showcased before agents, casting directors, music companies and other industry leaders. No smoking, drinking or immodest clothing allowed at the conference. Clay and I made a step of faith to support Nathan in this endeavor because of his faithfulness to us and to the Lord.

After 12 weeks of input and training, we flew to Orlando. Morning, noon and night, people competed-while all the parents supported and prayed and hoped for a good outcome for their children. Nathan was particularly excited about the Monologue competition and the singer-songwriter competition, though he participated in 9 all together. (he had never had more than 3 months of piano so I knew he was depending on his own faith in his internal confidence in the song he would sing and play on piano!)

By God's grace Nate made the showcase talent show where just 40 were presented--dancers, models, singers and actors.  This meant that about 90 leaders in the industry  got to see these  contestants one extra time. I was  on pins and needles as Nate got up to perform his song in front of 1800 people . He sang from the bottom of his heart with poise and confidence I can  say only came from his trust in the Lord's strength.

Lots more to tell, but the bottom line is: he received a $5000 scholarship to the school in New York he was hoping to attend; he was approached by 5 other large industry agencies who want to give their execs a chance to hear his music and two agencies who want to represent him for possible jobs in acting, modeling and performing that will come up in New York. And, a godly young man, who is very well known in his field and established in the industry, approached Nathan to be a part of a discipleship group he was starting in the fall for young men to have a witness together in the industry in New York. Now, we are home and trying how to move Nate there by September and Joel to Nashville and Clay and I both writing  a book and speaking in Canada and feed everyone and attend Joy's performance from a drama camp and take care of the medical issues and and and you know the story! But I am so grateful that there are open doors after waiting and believing with our sweet third child.

So, I learned that it is not just my prayers the Lord hears. Nate acted as though he was not surprised at all. "Mom, there needs to be light in the industry. I have been praying every day for God to open doors. And He did! I am so grateful for the amazing things God did. But I was always leaning on him and trusting in His power!"

So, now, one more faith step as we send him off to New York in September. Please pray for Nate if he comes to mind. I know the Lord will be with him  in his Babylon as He was with Daniel. I hope and pray my sweet son will make Daniel choices.

After an exhausting week, Joy met me with a mask she had learned about from one of her friends. So I melted into our couch and let her magical hands do their work! Lots going on in our home this week. I will write more soon.

Blessings to each of you this week!s

sally@wholeheart.org

 

Sisters Adventure

Just look what my girls, Sarah and Joy, are  doing while I am gone!

Nurturing Dreams and living through them!

Hi, Sweet Moms,
How I have enjoyed hearing from so many of you! However, I am on a new blog site (Type pad) and I haven't figured out how to respond back to those who leave comments! So, thanks for letting me know you are out there. We think that the server has been sending the details about my comments to Whole Heart, so I never get a link to all of you! So please know I am in the middle of figuring this out.

Now, to those who have asked about the beautiful picture on my header--as to whether it was my house!--Maybe in heaven I will have such a house. But this house is the home of Longfellow. Sarah and Joel worked in Cambridge last summer and a great memory was to travel to the area where Longfellow lived and also to visit the home and area of Beatrix Potter. They said it was breathtakingly beautiful and wonderful to hike! So I am dreaming of a future trip and just liked the picture--so there it is!

"Then Joseph had a dream...." Genesis 27:5

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 3: 10

"My frame was not hidden from Thee when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in thy book they were all written,  the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." Psalm 139 15-16

Here I sit on my bed in my hotel room in Orlando, Florida. I am attending a Christian performers conference for a whole week with Nathan, who is involved in numerous competitions in acting, singing and a various other areas for exposure. (Clay couldn't get off of work, so I am the attending parent!) Traveling one more time is not really what I thought I needed, since I have been twice to California and once to Orlando and once in Canada in the past few weeks. But, I am here to support my 19 year old's dreams--to go into the performing arts--singing or acting. Hollywood and New York are not the places I would pick to willingly send any of my children! But, as I have prayed about it, the Lord has reminded me that He wanted me to train my children to be stewards of the gospel and the truth of God's message to their culture--but he didn't give me a choice where He would have them bring His message.
He just gave me the stewardship of His truth and His calling that I was to intentionally--with all of my heart and mind and strength--to pass on to my children--the next generation.

So, for years, I have said, "I wonder what God has designed you to do? I can't wait to see how He uses you in your world for His glory!" "What a great piece of music you played--maybe you will be a Levite--one who composes or sings music for God's glory! You are so funny and delightful--maybe you will be used to entertain and encourage people who need hope! I have never known anyone to read so many books or to write so prolifically! Maybe you will be one of the writers He will use to show people His reality through books! You are so kind! Maybe you will help counsel broken people! I believe He has made you for a special work to do!"

Looking back on Nathan, I can see that he has been dramatic and wiggly and fun and bigger than life since he was a wee thing. He has also been the most engaged by hero tales--loved acting out with swords and capes and plays and video productions. As I read in scripture, I see that God prepared our children with certain personalities--ideosyncracies--individual humor, loudness or softness--even things that irritate us--but as we see in scripture that what might irritate us could be something that will prepare our children for the task they were given!

I, myself,  always felt I was "too much" for people. I have always been exceedingly passionate and driven (only girl with two older brothers!) I think I was ADHD before it was a term. But, when I am speaking to 1000 women, I feel that I am doing what God created me to do! I travel and speak and write and love doing it because I have been driven to do it from the time I was little. God gave me this personality because He wanted me to be a pioneer in the moms and homeschooling movement. I needed to be idealistic and driven, so that I would be equipped to do what He had designed me to do. What felt out of place in many situations, became a blessing when  I was in the niche God had designed for me!

Almost none of my friends have my personality! But they are so much more capable of handling things that I am just not good at! Each of us has a stewardship to fulfill--and it will have to do with the unique personality God gave us for what He designed for us to do! However, personality is not always pleasing to those different than we are!

Immediately after we read of Joseph's dream in Genesis 37:5, we read, "When he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more!" God gave Joseph a dream that sustained him during many years of trials. But this very dream irritated his brothers! So often, the rough edges or parts about us that are different, are the very areas that God has designed to be a part of a personality that will equip a person to do what God has created him to do!

But, for me, it meant accepting my children as God gave them to me--even with all of their extremes. I wasn't blessed with all "normal" children, but the ones God gave me, He has used to humble me, teach me His values, learn things I needed to learn and find out what it meant to grow in Him!

I was often in situations when moms could easily judge my "out of the box" children because they often didn't "fit" into the norm. But, I believed that one part of His call on my life, was to seek to nurture and cultivate my children according to their "bent." I can look back now and see that, though they have matured, they haven't greatly changed from the personalities they had as little children--even as babies. The extroverts were that way when born and the introverts were that way as babies! Some were academic--some were more physical and performing and loud! But, seeing them with the eyes of faith and the eyes of God, slowly taught me to be patient--to accept the limitations of my children, to try not to change them too much, but to help them to mature in Christian character and in a sense of destiny for their own lives. A child with hope and a sense of future, can sustain difficulties and limitations--if they know they have been created for God's purposes--and if they come to understand that each circumstance and each situation is preparing them to be equipped to do what He has called them to do.

However, if a child is trained that his life is about performance and works, he will lose heart if his life doesn't provide results. It is the mom who models and teaches hope, love, acceptance and faith for a future of purpose in God's hands--but only if the mom has accepted the limitations of her own life as well as the limitations of her children. For me, it has been a slow process, but , like so many others, I see that having children has been the tool God has most used to conform me to His image--and to confront my own sin and selfishness.

I am learning a lot while I am here, too. Just this morning, I saw probably 250 kids go down the runway as models. Yet, only a few stand out! They are all pretty attractive kids, but I realized that in the midst of so many bodies walking across the stage, it was those who sparkled--who had light, inner beauty, fun. life inside--that came out through their face--that I remembered. Same with the monologues--many talented, but only few passionate and real and alive. We read that man looks at the outward appearance but  God looks at the heart.  It is heart and life and passion for living for Him that fans the flame that will shine through the personality of our children--that will make them good message makers. It is not about fitting in and living up to what is expected by culture--it is about setting free the  spirit of a child to know and experience real love, deep faith, broad truth, touching beauty--that will set free the spirit of God to live through them--in whatever He calls us to!

So much for waxing eloquent. My break is over--the singing and monologue competitions are ahead.  So please pray  for me as I  cheer-lead Nathan,  and for Nathan to find God's favor in whatever work He has called Him to do!  Blessings and fondness to all of my sweet friends in cyberspace! I am here until next Monday so would appreciate your prayers that I remain the mom I should be while everyone else holds the fort down at home! I have so appreciated your many letters and notes and plan to catch up on correspondence in about 15 years!
Blessings!
Sally
Sally@wholeheart.org