I Take Joy

Never, never, never give up!

My sweet blog friends,

Thanks so much for your many comments and emails to me in the past month. You help keep me going in my life, ministry and writing. I am often tempted to quit and then I receive your words of life and grace and I so appreciate you. Thanks, especially, for comments about Joel and his story. You have also been an encouragement to him in the midst of starting summer school!

 

I got a call from Joel yesterday and he said, "Mom, I have gotten 4 orders for my tape in the last few days and it is enough to pay cash for one of my summer text books. I am really learning to cherish the small ways God is encouraging me. So tell everyone thanks!"

He is grateful and I appreciate your encouragement so much. 

As to those who have emailed letters and questions, I am so out of control of correspondence that I just cannot seem to get to my email letters and questions. Please know that I would love to answer each letter, but at this season, as in many others, I am fixing meals, caring for my children, going to all of their activities and doing ministry alongside Clay, and so my internet correspondence suffers!(4000 emails in my inbox that just keep on growing--will my computer ever burst?)  I so love hearing from each and everyone of you and I do pray throughout the day for all of you who come to mind. I thank you for your grace.

"THOSE WHO WAIT ON THE LORD WILL GAIN NEW STRENGTH." ISAIAH 40

"All good soldiers keep on fighting,

Don't grow weary in well-doing.

Just keep looking unto Jesus.

'cause when this age comes to an end,

I've read the book and we win!"

Rebo Rambo and Dony McGuire

I have been thinking the past few days about the whole issue of God's timing and learning to wait on him.

It seems to be a hallmark of mature Christians to have a story of having to wait years and years on God and then seeing Him come through with such beauty, wisdom and grace. But the Bible is full of people who took matters into their own hands when they thought God needed a little help and it created all sorts of havoc.

 Seems that when Abraham got tired of waiting, he got his maid servant pregnant just to help God out and caused all sorts of problems.

Saul just couldn't wait any longer for God to bring Samuel to pray for them in battle and so he sacrificed the lamb and he was disqualified from being king any longer because he didn't wait on God.

Elijah kept waiting and waiting for God to send rain, but when He did, it was in great magnitude and glory.

Elizabeth and Zachariah had to wait years and years to have their one son John the Baptist and even when an angel appeared to Zachariah, he didn't believe God would work and became mute for a while--because he was having a hard time waiting on God's timing.

Joseph had to wait 12 years on God's timing before he became the assistant to Pharoah and head of all of Egypt.

David had to wait almost 25 years from the time he was annointed as king until the time he finally was king over all the houses of Israel--even 7 years after Saul and Jonathan died.

Waiting and persevering seems to have an incredible value to God. His timing never seems to be as soon as mine--but He is so good and always faithful--just in a different way than our impatient hearts wanted it to be.

It tests the metal of our heart. It strengthens our faith. It increases our capacity to long for heavenly answers instead of just being satisfied with earthly, immediate fixes.

Yet, daily, people are tempted to give up on their ideals--giving up in marriage, in relationships, on a child, on a commitment. People capitulate all the time to Satan's wiley and clever messages to compromise--"You can't expect anyone in this time to be moral. Or no one else is doing this. Or you deserve better than this. Or whatever message it is that makes you want to quit. 

Those who wait, receive the reward of a holier character and the reward to seeing God's works. 

"No one, after putting his hand to the plough and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God."

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. for you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may received what was promised., ..., "But my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have fiath to the preserving of the soul. Now, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Without faith it is impossible to please God, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 10: 35--Hebrews 11: 6

So, today, if you are weary, discouraged, downhearted, look up--God sees you, God is at work. Don't quit before He accomplishes his will. You will be greatly fulfilled if you keep going and wait for God's grace and for His work in His way at His time. I always look back and see His wisdom and how He was always in control--even when it didn't seem like it.

Perhaps I will write more about it later, but at this moment, I am getting ready to take Nathan, 20, in for emergency surgery on his wisdom teeth in just a few minutes--has one growing into a bone and one into his throat and they are impacted. Welcome home, Nathan! But now, I will get to nurse him and treat him like my little boy. We are having great fun catching up on his year away. Grace and peace to you today. 

Joel's Miraculous and Grace-filled Story

Joel in our Colorado meadows.

Joel is my gentle, renaissance man, 22 year old son. Many of you heard his story at our conferences and I have had several people who have asked me to tell it on my blog. I am so thankful to be at the reaping stage of life, as it seemed like for so many years I sowed by faith, but now I see that some of the fruit is indeed there and the Lord was working all along.

Joel has always been somewhat academic and learning came easy for him. So, when he took his SAT's, he scored really well and had a number of choices for college and scholarships. He decided to attend Seattle Pacific University. He had a great year and made the Dean's list and was working 20 hours a week and had great friends. As he was getting ready to go back to school, he decided that it just wasn't right for him. 

When I probed his thoughts, I asked him what his dreams and hopes were and if there was something that he really wished he could do. He said that in the back of his mind, he really wished he could attend Berklee School of Music in Boston--a one of a kind school for serious, music students who really wanted to be in the music industry full time. He wanted to be a piano composer. 

PLEASE KEEP READING--IT IS A LONG STORY, BUT SO ENCOURAGING FROM THE LORD!

Then I asked him what it would take to get in--to which he replied, "Filling out an extensive college application with many essays about my dreams, commitment, experience and vision for my music. Then I have to write a formal 4 minute piano composition, get interviewed by some of the staff in person, and then take a music theory test. And I have about 2-3 weeks to do all of this and get to Boston--(which is 2025 miles from our house--a 2 day drive on top of everything else.)

Now, let's just stop right there! Immediately, I began to feel that I had failed Joel. In all of our 17 moves, 6 times internationally, it was all I could do, at times, just to stay alive--let alone provide him with good piano teachers. I immediately felt that if he was rejected from entrance to this school, that it would be my fault. He had only had about one full year of piano in his whole life when he was a little boy. I knew that he did not know how to read music very well and knew almost no theory. I also didn't even know if he could write a piano piece as I had never heard him do it in his whole life.

 If I had known he was going to want to attend a conservatory to pursue a full-time music profession, I would have made piano a first priority while he was growing up--but amidst the 4 children and miscarriages and moves and you know the story, somehow I just didn't get to that.--yet, as I have learned, no matter what you do, it will never be perfect or enough--that is why we must rely on the Lord. So, in spite of the feelings that came over me of inadequacy, it occurred that this could just be a road of faith that God wanted us and Joel to take.

So, as we talked, I found out that one of the reasons he was dragging his feet was that there would be no scholarships the first year of school ($35,000  not including housing and food!) and he already felt the burden of paying for his car, insurance, a small school debt from Seattle Pacific, and he just didn't know how he could swing it. (With our ministry salary, 4 children who all wanted to eat, wear clothes, have computers and cars and many medical bills, we just didn't have any extra--just where we are in life!)

I took him away for the day to a local 5 star hotel where we had breakfast (a $5 bowl of oatmeal and coffee in a civilized environment seemed a good place to dream!) and spent the morning talking and reading. I told him that God wanted him to learn to live by faith. 

I also said, "If you make only those decisions that will come from your own resources and what you can provide for yourself, then you will live like that the rest of your life. However, if you decide to step out in faith and take the risk of trying out for this school, you will be practicing stepping out in faith and will be more likely to trust God in the future--what can you lose? Whatever you practice now is more of what you will become. I would encourage you to become a man who learns to live by faith in God and trust Him to open doors, as He chooses. All they can say is no, but they just might say "yes!" You will never know unless you try. 

So, the next two weeks were filled with late night essay writing, pounding on the piano, and preparing for the 2000 trip he was to take with Sarah as his cheerleader. I was actually astonished at the piece he prepared, as I didn't know he had it in himself to compose such music. I asked him how he could do the music. He said,"I just hear it in my head and then it is easy to write." 

"How can you notate it and write it down?"

"Oh, I can't write the music down, I can just remember it and play it."

So, to make a long story short, he drove to Boston, did great on his essays, had a good interview with a woman who seemed to be really interested in the worship music training he had and the work he had done on his guitar. Next was the composition. He did very well on performing his own piece (which is on the youtube below). Next came the theory test. He failed this test and felt it would keep him out of the school. How could he attend a music school if he couldn't read music very well, and knew no theory and couldn't even notate his own pieces?

Still, he did his best, and followed through and then we prayed and prayed. Meanwhile, they said it would be several months until he would find out. Five months later, he received a letter that said that there had been more students who had auditioned than normal and so it would be another month until he would find out. 

Meanwhile, he had moved to Nashville to work on music and had a job and had settled in, not really expecting that he would be able to go to Berklee. During this time, I sent him the book, "The Spiritual Lives of the Great Composers" as an encouragement to him. We had read it when he was much younger. He called one day and said, "Mom, Bach said that if anyone was willing to work as hard as he had worked, they would have the ability to become as great in music as he had become. I realized that I am willing to work as hard as Bach did if the Lord will just give me the opportunity to get into the school."

Then, on one second after midnight on the last day he was to be notified of acceptance if he had gotten in, he received an email in his inbox that said he had been accepted. Well, we were all surprised and amazed. 

But, this just happened to be the same week as all of the financial debacle last fall, and so most of the school loans and programs were temporarily frozen. Joel then found out that the school did not provide any scholarships for first year students since the drop out rate was so high. Another seemingly impossible obstacle!

Again a faith decision. After writing many letters and seeking grant money and scholarships, Joel decided to write 7 more pieces of music to put on an album to see if he could at least pay for his living expenses through earnings so that the financial burden wouldn't be so great. 

So, we barely saw him during the Christmas season. He worked hard on 7 more pieces, recorded them, put together his first album and website  and began to sell them. So far, he has made enough money to pay for 5 months of rent and food, and now he is working on paying for the next few months of rent and hoping to apply for scholarships for the fall, as he will be a sophomore by then. 

He read an article by the president of the school that said, we have many students who have been trained technically but don't have passion or innate talent. But if we can find raw talent, a committed character, a willingness to work hard and learn and passion for music, then that is what we are looking for at our school."

This was just what the Lord had been teaching me for so many years, in a different way. "Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit." I had leaned on the Lord for many years to take my paltry offering of teaching and training my children by faith and asking Him to take my "fish and loaves" so to speak, and make it enough to prepare my children for the work He had for them to do!

And so, here, in Joel's life, was a real live miracle, a reflection that His grace was sufficient. We all knew that God had worked in a special way to get Joel into the school and that if he continued to work hard and walk by faith, he would see the Lord working in wonderful ways on his behalf. Even in his having to work for his finances has built him into more of a man. He has applied for numerous jobs, but still hasn't landed one--but he keeps working at reaching more people with his music, so we thank God that he is building Joel spiritually, in character, in faith and in perseverance. 

So, it is not in finding the right education or best curriculum or best activities or filling in all the blanks, but it is God who makes our life of faith and faithfulness enough for our children. He is big enough to fulfill dreams!

The tape below is his story in his own words and the composition he played for getting into the school.

Many of you have written to me to tell me how much you have enjoyed Joel's album. One wonderful mom even ordered 20 more to give away! (You are Joel's heroine!)

If any of you would  like to buy Joel's album, for $10, to help him work his way through school, please visit his website here, (his website has music, pictures and more) or call: 1-800-311-2146 to place an order. You may write him personally at this address

He was just home for 10 days and I can't believe the improvement in his music and ability even in one semester. Joel is hoping to pile on classes and finish a year from now. He just got his grades back and he received a 3.8---all A's except for 2 B+--so he is thrilled and feels he is where God meant him to be.

 Thanks for all who have encouraged Joel in his dreams. I hope his story will encourage you to keep dreaming dreams with your own children! God created all of our children to bring His light to bear through them, through their unique personalities and with the skills He has given to them. Grace to you today.

A poem about faith

Two Hands

Hope is
Two hands fisted,
Held before you side by side.
One caging in a wasp,
The other clasping
Butterflies.
Touch one too bold,
Provoke a sting,
Clutch the other,
You will crush,
Its wings.

Hope is holding,
Wishing with an ache,
The patient balance
Of two possible, opposing ways.
It’s to endure,
The weave of pain,
With grace,
The tension of a maybe grief,
Against a fragile, fluttering,
Faith.

Sarah Clarkson

God's love to me

Happy Birthday, Sweet Sarah!

Twenty-five years ago today, I became a mother. I wasn't prepared for what it would take for me to give 24 hours a day the rest of my life to be a mom. 

But God was gentle with me. He knew that in the midst of 17 moves, (6 times internationally) and very little support systems and criticism for almost all the ideals Clay and I would end up choosing, that I would need a best friend right in my home. So, in His goodness, He gave me Sarah.

I tried to be so healthy during my pregnancy and ate the right things and swam 5 times a week. Yet, when she was born, she had miconium-filled lungs, and couldn't breathe and was in the icu for babies for three days! Then I got the flu and became faint upon returning to my home. It was a rough start, but still she learned to nurse, even after the doctor discouraged it. And, she eased me into motherhood, as she was very responsive and gentle even as a baby.

 From birth, she has been sweet, humble in spirit and kind. She is loyal and tenderhearted and always loved beauty. (You should see her bedroom, it is a master piece of bringing beauty to life in her world.) Now, don't get me wrong, Sarah isn't perfect--but she is wonderful and such a blessing to me. I don't know when we moved more from being Mother-daughter to best friend, but she has been the one who "got me" and still loved me and listened and encouraged and blessed. I thank you, Sarah, for being such a committed. loyal, loving, encouraging friend.

She has not had an easy life--as a matter of fact, there were so many obstacles in her life so many years in a row, that I once said to the Lord, "If you don't start being nice to her, she isn't going to keep believing in you!"

And yet, God knew what He was doing. He was deepening her soul so that it could be reflective of His light and life and beauty. 

So, my precious, even though I am not with you today, I wish you all the blessings of God's grace and provision that would fill your heart with His love, grace, beauty and the ability to keep dreaming. I love you!

Mom

PS Would all of you who read this and are prompted by the Lord please pray for Sarah today? Always, of course, for her love and walk with the Lord to keep growing. But also, For direction as she sorts out her options in the next few months; for blessing on her writing; for a good and godly circle of friends and for, in God's timing, a loving husband! Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers for my family. I so appreciate it!

If anyone wants to wish her happy birthday, her email is  this  and her blog is here

Her room:

Her beloved thinking and writing chair!

Always books, art, candles and fresh flowers.

God's love to me

Happy Birthday, Sweet Sarah!

Twenty-five years ago today, I became a mother. I wasn't prepared for what it would take for me to give 24 hours a day the rest of my life to be a mom. 

But God was gentle with me. He knew that in the midst of 17 moves, (6 times internationally) and very little support systems and criticism for almost all the ideals Clay and I would end up choosing, that I would need a best friend right in my home. So, in His goodness, He gave me Sarah.

I tried to be so healthy during my pregnancy and ate the right things and swam 5 times a week. Yet, when she was born, she had miconium-filled lungs, and couldn't breathe and was in the icu for babies for three days! Then I got the flu and became faint upon returning to my home. It was a rough start, but still she learned to nurse, even after the doctor discouraged it. And, she eased me into motherhood, as she was very responsive and gentle even as a baby.

 From birth, she has been sweet, humble in spirit and kind. She is loyal and tenderhearted and always loved beauty. (You should see her bedroom, it is a master piece of bringing beauty to life in her world.) Now, don't get me wrong, Sarah isn't perfect--but she is wonderful and such a blessing to me. I don't know when we moved more from being Mother-daughter to best friend, but she has been the one who "got me" and still loved me and listened and encouraged and blessed. I thank you, Sarah, for being such a committed. loyal, loving, encouraging friend.

She has not had an easy life--as a matter of fact, there were so many obstacles in her life so many years in a row, that I once said to the Lord, "If you don't start being nice to her, she isn't going to keep believing in you!"

And yet, God knew what He was doing. He was deepening her soul so that it could be reflective of His light and life and beauty. 

So, my precious, even though I am not with you today, I wish you all the blessings of God's grace and provision that would fill your heart with His love, grace, beauty and the ability to keep dreaming. I love you!

Mom

PS Would all of you who read this and are prompted by the Lord please pray for Sarah today? Always, of course, for her love and walk with the Lord to keep growing. But also, For direction as she sorts out her options in the next few months; for blessing on her writing; for a good and godly circle of friends and for, in God's timing, a loving husband! Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers for my family. I so appreciate it!

If anyone wants to wish her happy birthday, her email is  this  and her blog is here

Her room:

Her beloved thinking and writing chair!

Always books, art, candles and fresh flowers.

Hail, hail, the gang's all here! Finally a quiet morning!

They may be bigger but they haven't changed a lot! (Kids snuggling Kelcy-Sarah, 25, Joy 14, Nathan, 20, Joel 22)

I am sitting sipping my tea this cool morning and am so  very grateful to have all of my children home at once. Joel came home last weekend and will be here 6 more days. What a gift to me that he and Nathan love coming home. Nate got here Saturday night. So, I have been celebrating, cooking, having long and late-night discussions, and early morning breakfasts--celebrating as much life as we can until everyone disperses starting Wednesday when Sarah flies to Nashville, Clay to Texas and Joel back to Boston. I only

have 5 days when we are all in town at once! Soooo......

Nate's belated birthday Texas Sheet Cake--yummmmm!

Sarah's birthday breakfast a week early! Have to have everyone home so we can bless the birthday child together!

I have spent so much time praying for my children this season of life. Please let Joel flourish in Boston. His arena is so secular. Please keep Nathan faithful to you in New York City--please, please, please! But much to my relief, God was in New York City, too. And He is still sovereign! Joel has grown by leaps and bounds and is flourishing. Nate has been reading the biography of Keith Green and it has really inspired him. (a biography for older teens when they are in the midst of integrating spiritual life in a fallen world).

It has been so fun to see all of them together and that they still love and enjoy each other and that we all still have those rousing discussions. They are all so different--the introverts are still more introspective and a little quieter. The extroverted, "cool" kids are still louder. Clay and I hold on for dear life in the middle and I am so very blessed to have them love us and love the Lord. Are there still problems and issues? Always!

A sweet mom wrote me a letter this week and said that she and her friends had been reading through Ministry of Motherhood together. She said they really enjoyed it, but is was a little overwhelming because it felt like I was always so positive about my children and that I always loved them. Then she asked if it was always that way.

Of course not! We all go through seasons where we wonder if some of our children came from another family. Sometimes we have feelings that suggest we are not really a good mom because we don't even like our children. And sometimes we just wish we could escape.

I learned very early in my Christian life about the concept of obedience. God asked me to obey Him with my heart and Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey me." So, obedience is out of love, not feeling. Many times, I would do the right thing, even though the feelings didn't match. In other words, I knew it was right to "act" in a loving, patient manner towards my children. Or I knew that God wanted me to "respect" Clay--even times when I did not feel like it! But because I wanted to love Jesus, I would obey. What I found out is that my feelings would follow. In other words, the more I obeyed the Lord in serving my children and encouraging them, the more of an investment they became to me, and the more I cherished them and began to see just how important children are in God's economy. Now, the thing that drives me to speak and travel so much, is that I can't stand the thought of children being abused or neglected in any way. I want to help as many moms as possible discover the importance of loving and accepting their children as a gift from the Lord.

Growth is a long process. My deep love and reverence for these children has grown after many, many years of cherishing them--sometimes because I truly loved and enjoyed them--and sometimes purely out of faith. But, as I have said before, as in a garden, whatever you water and nourish the most in this garden of life is what will flourish. If you water the garden of family and children and love and life-giving and beauty, it will grow and flourish--it is a long term work. 

Well, I am off for two more hysterical days--and two birthday party celebrations down, one more to go!

The interchange of talent between two genius's

After having fun with my mom, I flew home to yet another reunion--Joel is home from Berklee in Boston for 10 days before going back to school. (His amazing story will follow later this week when I have time to write it!)

 I keep wanting to kiss him and hold on to his arm and eat him up--so great to have him home!)

Sunday included church, a wonderful brunch out with Sarah, Joel, Joy, Clay and me (We missed you, Nathan!) and then a really fun afternoon. Started out with Clay playing us 4 of his new songs which we all think he should record. Next was Joy keeping us in stitches with funny poems she had written about life, food, mission trips and friends (she is a real wit!) 

Next, Joel showed us his new songs which have resulted from lots of new input in his classes--amazing what a few focussed months can do when you have good instruction! Finally, after we had my favorite, Italian Cream Cake, we all scattered. Then I began to hear music coming up the stairs--  for almost an hour, Joel played on the piano and accompanied Joy as they performed, together, a multitude of songs from Broadway to contemporary. The Lord has given Joy a strong voice--but it was especially fun to see the two together,  as they are 9 years apart--Joy 13, (almost 14) and Joel, 22, enjoying each other and seriously giving themselves to the music they both love. 

Maybe I never believed this great fellowship would happen between all of my diverse, different sex and different aged children--but it all came about from hundreds of Sunday afternoons just like this, of eating together, celebrating life and spending our time together. 

Now, I am off editing and rewriting, and snowed under with 3 kids birthdays to celebrate, Nate coming home Saturday to work here all summer, Sarah flying to Nashville, Clay going to Texas to help his mom and Joel going back to Boston--all in the period of a week. There is still so much work at home--but now the rewards are so evident and I have in my home my closest friends. 

The Legacy of Motherhood

Mom with her new Chinese Pashmina and me--her only daughter!

I have been thinking a lot lately about leaving legacies. What are my children going to remember? How are they going to be different because of their life in my home? What skills have I developed that give them foundations of confidence?

 I am just now flying on a plane to Dallas to visit my own mom in Canton who is 86. I wanted to spend a couple of days with her over the Mother’s Day weekend because I don’t get to see her very often any more and because I so appreciate the legacy she left me.

 When my father, who worked with IBM, met my mom, she was a systems engineer with IBM. She was a new generation feminist who had a job and was working and making her own way. But when my father proposed to her, he said, “One of my requests, if we get married, is that you stay at home and are available every day for our children, so they can have your influence on their lives.” What that meant for my mom, was to pick us up from school, to be available to us, and to build a good home base.

 My mom didn’t understand the whole concept of passing on righteousness to the next generation, or discipling her children, but she was committed to making our home a place of beauty, love, traditions and where marriage was foundational to our family’s unity.

 When I was a teenager, I remember that my mom would rush about the house every day around 5 pm and she would say, “Quick, you kids help me straighten up the living room and kitchen. And then she would light a candle and put on music. Next she would cut some cheese and place on crackers or put out some small snack. Then the finale was painting her lips with the ruby red lipstick I so well remember.

One day, I asked my mom, “Why do you do this every day and go to so much trouble around this time.?”

 She said, “I want your father to come home to a wonderful environment—that home would always be the best place to be. You see, your daddy is surrounded by beautiful secretaries every day, who are paid to meet his needs. So, I want him to feel that it is even better to come home, because someone he loves has given effort to meet his needs and to give him extra reason to be faithful.”

 My mom was also a lot of fun. One day, on my birthday, I awakened to a pathway of pennies outside my door. I followed them through the house and it led to a pile of birthday presents—even the smallest present from the dollar store, was wrapped in fun paper. Also, on the breakfast table was a cinnamon roll (the Pillsbury kind) and orange juice and a little card that said, “Happy Birthday to my wonderful daughter.”

 I don’t remember the presents I received that year, but I do remember that my mom went to great lengths to create fun.

 We did not read scripture often at our home, but we did go to church regularly where my dad was an elder. I remember that there were 3 verses that were my mother’s favorites. I don’t even remember why I know them, but she must have repeated them often enough for them to stick. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” “If God is with me, who can be against me.”

 My mom and dad were gifted at hospitality. We had people in our home for meals every week if not several times a week. They also used to have big dinner parties—for between 50 and 100 people. As children, we were expected to help. We would help clean house, cook food, mow lawns and put out flowers and candles and decorate the house. Then, we were expected to answer the door, greet their friends by looking into their eyes and welcoming them. We would also be given trays of food to take around offering people a treat or drink of some kind. It was a part of our training—to make all of us comfortable with talking to adults, serving people in our home and engaging in conversation. It prepared us to be comfortable with paupers or kings. It also gave me a heart for hospitality—it was second nature after all the years of opening our home.

 When I would come home from college, my mom would have notes all over the house—at the front door, in the kitchen, on my bedroom door and on my bed, “Welcome Home, Sally!” and “Yeah, Sally is home!” There would always be some of my favorite food in the kitchen—homemade chocolate chip cookies, and all sorts of other goodies.  I always felt loved and welcomed and couldn’t wait to get home.

 My mother modeled to me that mothering and building a family was hard work and it took place every day. But it shaped me in such a way, that it prepared me to be responsive in my heart, when the Holy Spirit stirred, to see motherhood as a calling—a Biblical design from the mind of God, for passing on righteousness to every generation. My mother’s hard work prepared me to be able to have a ministry to other moms because she was faithful with what she knew to do. Her love and commitment and personality was such a wind of life to my soul.

 So on this Mother’s Day, I honor my sweet mom, Wanda Bone, for serving the Lord by serving me, and my brothers! And she didn’t even know she was setting me up for my life’s work.

 Happy Mother’s Day, to all of you who work so diligently in the big and small details in life.  Just as my mother, you are just as surely building a legacy of memories, love and values in the hearts and minds of your children. You may not even know what miracles are taking place in your home or how you are preparing your child for a great purpose—but God will take the fish and loaves you offer to Him as worship—and multiply your work into a miracle that will truly influence the whole world as you send your wholehearted children into the world from your laboratory of life. Grace and peace from our Lord Jesus to you!

PS Thanks to Mill Creek Ranch Resort for letting me use their internet to upload this article!:)

The Mystery of Discipline

"It just bothers my head off when I see parents who don't discipline their children!" Joy proclaimed after babysitting a group of kids at church tonight. After which a long conversation between Sarah and Joy ensued. So fun to hear them talk with such strong opinions--guess the Clarkson family culture was pretty strong!

When I asked what to write about, several of you asked about discipline. I am off to bed tonight, but I will throw just a few thoughts out. Seems to me that people tend to take two extremes. Either they are high disciplinarians and are too strict and harsh or they say they are grace based and don't intervene in their children's lives at all. Clay and I believed in high love and high discipline--but most of our discipline was training, instruction and correction. 

I have learned more about my parenting by pondering Jesus than from anywhere else. In Hebrews we are told, "All discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful but sorrowful, but afterwords it leads to the peaceful fruit of righteousness." That right there says that God cares that we interfere with our children's development and maturity and discipline them to become righteous. 

"He disciplines us that we share in his Holiness." His discipline was for a purpose--not to be overbearing with us and become authoritative--but to train us--to help develop His character in us. He has high standards for us. I feel that in my own life, he has used many obstacles, difficulties and stresses to help conform me more to His image--he does not let me off the hook--he uses His training to help me grow up- to become more mature.

So, I realize that I have to be willing to let my children suffer displeasure in order to train them to become excellent. 

However, the point I want to make clearly is that discipline and training of a child is primarily relationship based----not rule based! We are to seek to win their hearts--to give them a reason to want to obey us. We are to accept our children as a gift and communicate clearly to them how we love and treasure them.But for Clay and me, it meant spending lots and lots of time. 

How did Jesus influence His disciples, so that they wanted to follow Him to the cross? By spending 3 years with them day in and day out, teaching, training, modeling, correcting and loving and enjoying life with them. (I wrote about this a lot in Ministry of Motherhood) His influence was based on his servant-leadership--(The night before he died, he was pondering where he had come from--heaven with God where he was always worshipped--and where we would be going back--back to heaven--and then he knelt and girded himself about with a towel and began to wash the disciple's feet.

I was having a quiet time once and realized that Jesus washed 12o toes! He understood me as a mom wiping noses, changing diapers, etc. Seems he has such integrity--he never asks me to do what he has not already done! "If I being the Lord washed your feet, so you should do to one another." 

He was a humble, servant leader, and so I must have such honor and integrity with my children. It is in serving them and honoring them that they develop a desire to respond to me.

However, training was moment by moment--every day. For instance, when  child whined, we took them away--away to their bedroom or if we were at someone's house, to a private room or bathroom. (What is the matter? Mommy and Daddy are allergic to 'whiny" voices. I cannot listen to you until you can talk in normal voice. (And then we put them in their crib or hold them firmly and  quietly until they could get control.

When they were disrespectful to either one of us or to someone else, we immediately corrected them and said, "How should you have said that to your brother, Father or whatever." Children should not be allowed the freedom to be rude or to be disrespectful--grace-based parenting doesn't mean that you don't do anything, it just means that you don't primarily use the paddle for everything. We would always pick up our child if they were disrespectful to either one of us and made them immediately do what we had asked. "Tell Daddy you are sorry you disobeyed. Now I will take your hand and I will help you pick up the toy he asked you to pick up. Please do it now." If the child did not comply, we worked with them until they did comply--right then and until the child complied. Do not train a child to throw fits or to cry or throw tantrums. And do not excuse behavior that you have decided is not acceptable. 

But do consult the list below to see if you are provoking a child and testing them beyond their ability to control themselves. Each child requires prayer and thoughtfulness as they all have different personalities and your goal is to reach the child's heart with your training--to give them a desire to do well according to their own heart-felt motivation and needs, personality, gender and age. And be sure that your discipline is appropriate to the offense--a strict voice and long spanking and discipline should not happen for a child who has been careless or done something small--correction and consequences or doing it over is more appropriate--if you make every thing a big deal, your children will learn to dread you.

I have been really reacting lately every time I see a policeman. Our town is giving out as many tickets as possible to make up for lack of taxes on certain issues. So many tickets are given each day and police cars are everywhere (lots of articles and complaints have been in the local news.) I was wondering if this is how children feel when they have parents who are over bearing and authoritarian--dreading seeing their parents because they know their parents will find something wrong! How terrible to be afraid to be with your parents because they correct every single thing you do--that would be terrible in a friendship, marriage, or as a child--there must be grace in the midst of life.

Appreciate their good behavior--"You are so very helpful. Thanks for picking up all your toys." "You were so patient with your sister. Thanks for being such a great big brother--I couldn't do without your help."

We used consequences a lot with our children and then we were very consistent to follow up. "When you talk to an adult, you say, 'yes, Mrs. Brown" and you look them in the eye and you do what they say." If they misbehave, we would say, 'what is our 24 family way ab out how we speak to authority?" (We trained our values into our children ever day by teaching them our way and giving them scriptural admonition--go here to see the 24 Family Ways in our bookstore to see what Clay wrote for our family.

We corrected a child's behavior immediately. We often said, "you have a choice to make. If you stop your bad behavior right now, then we will keep playing at the park, but if you insist on fighting with your sister or brother, or whatever, you will have to go sit in the car while everyone else plays. (And then I or Clay would go sit with the child--but usually our children learned to comply with our training if we were consistent. I do think, however, some parents are too harsh and impatient with their young children--2, 3, 4 years old. These are the questions that need to be asked first:

1. Has my child had enough sleep--do I need to punish them or put them to bed because I have allowed them to become exhausted?

2. Is my child's blood sugar low-do they need to eat or have I pushed them too far?

3. Is it past their bed time or nap routine?

4. Are they overstimulated by being with too many other children for too long and or by too much activity? (When children are in the presence of other children as toddlers and pre-schoolers, even more then two others at a time for over an hour, it takes their blood sugar almost 24 hours to normalize! Keep your children home, give them routine, let them play and exercise and tire themselves from natural play--not from being in front to the television or from being inside too much with too many other little children.

5. Have I been paying attention to my child--is his or her emotional cup full? Or have I been correcting them all the time and "whining" at them and they are badly behaved because I have not been attending to them?

6. Am I trying to make my little boy stop being a boy? (Boys are louder, more active, and slower to mature and not as apt to sit still--just takes a little more time and patience.)

7. Do I make an effort to sympathize with my child and enter his world--give him time to explore, nurse him or her, touch and tickle and show affection to them and hold them a lot?

8. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you--are you being fair? Positive and content and not yelling or whining or using guilt? Respect your child--meet your baby's need to be held, nursed and picked up and you will have a happier toddler--children need lots of love and affection--when their needs are filled, they tend to be much easier to handle and quicker to comply--I spent so much time with my little ones at home and they were much easier to train.

Now, if these basic needs are met, then a child is much more apt to be easily trainable. (When I am not overworked and my emotional cup is filled and I feel happy in my home and am appreciated and affirmed--I am a much better person--and so with my child.

Loving, teaching, training, etc. over and over and over again. Takes a lifetime--when he is "old" he will not depart from it! :)

One mom said she was having to spank her child 6-8 times a day for not washing her hands before meals (found out the child was 2 1/2 years old!) I told her, "If you want her to like washing her hands, every time before you go to eat, you pick her up in your arms, take her to the sink and gently rub her hands with soap and sing a washing, rubbing, making hands clean and smell good song and then you kiss the hands and gently put the child in her high chair and she will want to wash her hands the rest of her life-- and it will bring a good memory!

We would also always train our children before we went into a new situation. "When mom goes to the grocery store today, I will give you a small cup of cheerios to munch on. I would like you children to stay quiet in the grocery store and not beg for something. If you obey Mommy, we will go to the park afterwards and have a small snack. If you choose to misbehave, we will have to go straight home and you will have to stay alone in your rooms." And then you remind them if any discord starts to erupt. Then children learn what you expect from them. Also, we would use distraction with little ones. 

I think, too, that some stages just must be lived through--no, not this, this! over and over again--and then over a period of time, you will see that your children are growing in self-control and time plays its part and they begin to naturally mature because they are growing older. Just be patient.

Just wish you could have heard my girls talking and talking about controlling children and all the methods they remember us using--so fun to listen to your own and giggle at them in all their ways. Fun to be at this stage--they do grow up, eventually! Have a happy week and try to enjoy each phase--as I miss my boys way too much and when Sarah is gone, I wish she were here. But I do also enjoy them being out in the world and seeing them all spread their wings--it is healthy. But the whole process always had so many ups an downs and it is perfectly normal to feel weary and to be impatient--I had to learn to be a little kid person--just wasn't in my skill set or personality--but eventually it came. 

Grace and peace in the midst.